She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
