On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
