Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
a search helicopter?!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
