Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
