Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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