Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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