So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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