??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
