I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
