now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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