the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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