Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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