just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Someone came in the potted fern
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
