can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
