I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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