why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
