Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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