we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
