You did not just play the dead husband card again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
