So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.