his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is