five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning