Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it