1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.