Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.

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  (401): i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care. http://tfl.nu/npdd
  Replies (10) Good night (2938) Bad night (618)
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  (650): View more from California

  my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp

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  (650): my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp http://tfl.nu/twts
  Replies (13) Good night (2847) Bad night (545)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

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  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (47041) Bad night (2198)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?

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  (248): Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit? http://tfl.nu/e30d
  Replies (24) Good night (7021) Bad night (713)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart

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  (201): she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart http://tfl.nu/a2u7
  Replies (18) Good night (4473) Bad night (597)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.

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  (563): Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks. http://tfl.nu/j9ui
  Replies (8) Good night (2357) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...

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  (416): You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere... http://tfl.nu/u20i
  Replies (6) Good night (2160) Bad night (1675)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.

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  (678): I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever. http://tfl.nu/08jg
  Replies (9) Good night (2534) Bad night (894)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.

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  (717): I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again. http://tfl.nu/mwhq
  Replies (7) Good night (513) Bad night (1884)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you

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  (516): Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you http://tfl.nu/ijza
  Replies (2) Good night (1392) Bad night (585)
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  (845): View more from New York

  You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.

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  (845): You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this. http://tfl.nu/x8z4
  Replies (15) Good night (3019) Bad night (523)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.

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  (423): It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling. http://tfl.nu/7h2p
  Replies (4) Good night (474) Bad night (1230)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"

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  (902): You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot" http://tfl.nu/alep
  Replies (5) Good night (1228) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.

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  (720): The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby. http://tfl.nu/rm20
  Replies (3) Good night (879) Bad night (303)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.

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  (412): Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night. http://tfl.nu/dy0t
  Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (341)

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