every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.