Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
