I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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