do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
