yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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