I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
