when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
