weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
