Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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