I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
