Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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