tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
