Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
