i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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