I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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