We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
