I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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