Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
