where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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