I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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