Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
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THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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