craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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