I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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