im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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