Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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