Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
