rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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