honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
