still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
