forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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