im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
