Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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