Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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