My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
