If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
