By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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