Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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