So drunk, too bad you don't want this
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
only you would photoshop your dick
Sober January is a disaster.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
