I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i drank out of a bidet.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
