i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
