Only a mothe r could love this liver
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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