while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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