It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
