you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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