Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
