okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
