i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
