Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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