you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can I get my morals surgically removed?