2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.