if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...