I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
