I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
