i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
