The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
