His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
